My Symptoms – Colorectal Bowel Cancer
Knowing the symptoms of bowel cancer and finding bowel cancer early can lead to a better survival outcome.
The key symptoms of bowel cancer are:
My symptoms started off in quite subtle ways, and did not seem that serious to me at the time and I did not have all the above symptoms, for example I did not lose weight, my weight remained stable.
For about a year or even longer, prior to my diagnosis, I noticed small traces of blood when I went to the loo and on wiping (sorry I never use the word ‘toilet’) but it was quite infrequent at the beginning. Sometimes the blood was more like pale pink mucous. I think I knew intuitively that something was wrong because over the course of time, the blood would be there more often. I could say I didn’t take it seriously because “I didn’t know much about bowel cancer” or I thought, “That kind of thing, won’t happen to me”, etc. Perhaps I was in a state of denial because deep down, I “knew” this wasn’t right, but by denying, I could avoid my feelings of fear and hope “it would all just go away.”
Mid 2018, I developed a cough (I was later diagnosed with GERD – Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease – which is now manageable), so it could have been connected to that and my allergies to certain chemicals, such as bleach products. However, my coughing attacks were certainly worse before I was treated successfully for bowel cancer. Alongside the coughing I’d get strange flu-like symptoms – I would really need to rest and lie down and on one occasion not go into my day job. I moved out of the big city London, where I’d been brought up, down to the sea and thought perhaps like in the olden days of tuberculosis and other chest infections, the sea air might clear my lungs but the coughing continued, and in some ways my coughing attacks worsened.
In November 2019, I went to New York (that’s a whole other story). My coughing was really bad by this time, and I felt unwell, but again I dismissed it as New York pollution, lime trees outside my bedroom, etc, etc. One time during my stay, I went to my local diner in Astoria for breakfast and went to the ‘restroom’ as they call loos in the USA. This time there was quite a lot of blood and it was bright red (something new). And I had those strange flu-like symptoms again – feeling shivery, and shaky with a slight cold and sore throat.
Jump forward a few months to March 2020 back in the UK, and a nasty virus called Covid had found its way around the world. We were now in lockdown. I was separated from my loved ones who were in London. I wanted to do something productive, so I self-filmed a series of ‘How to Record Voiceovers at Home’ for my fellow actors, so they could generate work remotely. It was very hard for me to get through speaking my instructions to camera, with all the coughing attacks, and I would start sweating and shaking too. The bleeding when I went to the loo continued but it wasn’t heavy just bits of blood every few days.
I remember another couple of times, when again, I had those strange flu-like symptoms, sweating, feeling shaky, a mild sore throat. I hardly went out at all during lockdown, except to walk once a day, so it was unlikely to be Covid, or was it? Perhaps it was asthma (I had mild asthma as a child). Another time I called a dear friend (who sadly lost her life to cancer a few years ago) and I remember standing in my living room with the phone, shaking violently all over. I put it down to anxiety, fear about the pandemic, etc, etc.
During the summer of 2020, I started to develop a pain in the left side of my lower abdomen and by this time, my intuition was begging me to wake up: “Alert! Alert! Danger! Danger!” I even had this dream where someone was screaming at me: “It’s killing you! It’s killing you!” but I didn’t listen to what my body and my instincts were desperately trying to tell me. I was 52 and still menstruating – maybe all this was ‘just’ the menopause?
I applied for an MA in Filmmaking, and got accepted. I’d been regularly exercising the past few years: jogging, doing very intense forms of yoga, and free-style dancing, so for a 52-year-old, I considered myself pretty fit and ‘tough.’ I’d been able to jog to the sea front and back – two or more miles – without a problem. But by now, just walking there and back was difficult. My breathing was shallow, my heart was palpitating, and I could barely muster the energy to walk up the hill to my house, let alone ‘jog’ it. By the time I did get home, I’d need to lie down in bed for at least two hours and felt a tiredness which I can’t really explain in words – but it was not a normal kind of tiredness – this was like a ‘my-whole-body-is-struggling-to-be’ kind of tiredness.
As we were in lockdown, most of the lectures were online. When we came to filming our short film in December – mostly outside, all under strict Covid compliance conditions – the exhaustion I felt, could no longer be denied. I’d driven early in the morning to my university campus in London. I remember it was very cold on the day of the shoot, and it started to rain, and I felt so fragile, and shivery as if the winter weather was breaking me – that I was no longer capable of being. I drove from London back home early that evening and had to leave the director and rest of the crew to finish filming the final scene without my input (as I’d been the script writer for our project).
It was around this time, that the bleeding had escalated to such an extent that the loo pan was covered in blood and there were now dark red clots and I felt I could hardly make it in time. I called my doctor who gave me a FIT test (Faecal Immunochemical Test) to take home. It came back showing all my chemical levels and my liver function were normal but as a precaution I needed to go for a colonoscopy (a procedure where a small camera is inserted into one’s bottom so the colon can be examined). Because I was alone, I had to drive myself to the hospital and could not have sedation, so it was very painful. And very soon, after the camera was inside my body, there was the tumour – like some kind of weird alien ‘thing.’ Clearly there was something very wrong!
I later found out that breathlessness can occur because of anaemia due to slow internal bleeding. Tumours have their own blood vessel system.
I’m not sharing all this to terrify you my dear readers, and I know some of what I’ve described is quite graphic. Rectal bleeding can be connected with haemorrhoids, and piles and chances are it may not be due to bowel cancer, but what I’m saying is, is if you have concerns and your bowel habits have changed go to your doctor and insist on getting a FIT test and if necessary, a colonoscopy – FIT tests detect ‘occult’ hidden blood in poo. My Stage 3 tumour had affected some of my lymph nodes, and it had grown into my outer bowel wall. In the beginning the tumour was inoperable, so I had to receive radiotherapy to shrink it with a neo-adjuvant (pre-surgery) chemotherapy course of capecitabine pills. It doesn’t matter how young you are, #Never Too Young, if you feel something is wrong, insist you get checked and take a friend or loved one with you if you need support. I was ‘too young’ at 52 to be diagnosed with bowel cancer, but I had the disease.
Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to go to your doctor, they see bottoms all the time, it’s part of their work and they will help you. It’s vital to get treated early, as with Stage 4 bowel cancer, the chances of survival become very slim. And I am very lucky to be here and be able to share all of this!
Here are the key symptoms of bowel cancer again:
Post them on your loo door, share them with your loved ones and your friends, share them at work, share them with new people you meet! The more we become aware and the more we talk about cancer, our bowels and poo, the less terrifying and isolating it will be (although cancer will always be scary until permanent cures and preventions are discovered – I can’t change the scariness of it I’m sorry to say!)
In the words of Dame Deborah James who worked tirelessly to educate us about bowel cancer:
“Check your poo it could just save your life”
Please check back for more blogs including, Working with Our Emotions, The Beauty of Scars and What My Stoma Taught Me – the Magnificence of our Bodies (and our Bowels!)